also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
