she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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