umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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