So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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