The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
