Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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