I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
