glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
