I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
worst night to have a conscience
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
