I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
