Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
