You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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