Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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