shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
