But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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