I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
