The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
