is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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