and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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