i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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