We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
