Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
