great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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