I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
