just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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