dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
