who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
