peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
