Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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