at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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