How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
