Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this will be a night to untag.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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