She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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