i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
