dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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