Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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