I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
