Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
