i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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