Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
