Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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