Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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