mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
