She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
