What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
cat food counts as protein by the way
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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