Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
