I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
