and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
