I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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