$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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