alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
