just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
