The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
