I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
