5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
