i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
