hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize