Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
