What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
