Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
