Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
