i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
