apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize