Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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