I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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