see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
