i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
