Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
