Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
