the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
