It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize